See love in the expression of emotions – and in the concealing of emotions too

Relationships frequently become dry or even break down because people don’t express the affection they have for each other. As finite beings, we can’t read others’ minds. So only when our loved ones express their feelings for us do we feel reassured that our feelings are reciprocated.

But expressing emotions is not the only way to show love. Sometimes, love may be shown best by concealing emotions. If a child is going to a distant land for higher studies, the mother may feel overwhelmed by anxiety. Yet she may conceal her tears so that her child has a happy last memory of a proud parent offering good wishes and blessings.

The essence of love is not emotions, but purpose: the purpose of doing the best for our loved ones. Such a purpose-centered understanding of love illumines the Bhagavad-gita’s exhortation (12.17) to stay equipoised amidst happiness and distress, which may seem like a call for unemotionality. Paradoxically, this same verse states that such equipoise among devotees endears them to Krishna.

Why does unemotionality please Krishna? Because it helps us focus on him. Presently, because we are materially attached, most of our emotions are about temporary material things, and when we let such emotions carry us away, we lose sight of our long-term spiritual good.

In bhakti-yoga, we demonstrate our love for Krishna by both expressing appropriate spiritual emotions whenever we feel them and subordinating those emotions that obstruct our spiritual purpose. For example, on a holy fasting day, we may not like to fast. But instead of spending the whole day with a sullen face, we strive, as an austerity, to absorb ourselves in serving Krishna as cheerfully as possible.

When we cultivate such absorption by concealing inappropriate emotions, we become purified and gradually relish constant spiritual emotions.